Hes jokes

Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?

Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.

Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.

Teacher: He did not.

Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.

Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.

Suzy: Then you can ask him.

A 10 year old girl reported to her friends that her 16 year old male babysitter was touching her inappropriately. He quickly lost his job as a babysitter.

A 10 year old boy reported to his friends that his 16 year old female babysitter was touching him inappropriately. She quickly became the most popular babysitter in town amongst boys.

The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.

That’s like 20 years from now, I said.

He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.

My friend was playing a game and said he was fighting cultists, so I said Kanye's fanbase.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because he can't find home.

Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?

What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.

P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.

"Buy a man an airplane ticket, he will fly once. Throw a man off an airplane and he will fly for the rest of his life."

- Sun Tzu

Why did the sped kid get expelled?

Because he was tardy.

Why did the Titanic sink?

Because the people aboard are stupid.

Qassem Soleimani is so popular today.

I mean, he just blew up overnight!

The Emo kid was late to his flight, so he needed to cut to the chase.

I was with my friend atom the other day. He’s pretty tall . . . Compared to you.

Your dad's Spider-Man because he's far from home.

I pulled a prank on my friend the other day. I painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping. Still had some extra space.

So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.

An orphan can’t ever play Grand Theft Auto V because he can’t get a wanted level.

Git is going to let Bill Cosby out of jail. Oh wait, he watched Little Bill.

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, he can't tell me.

There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.

When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.

The doctor said, "You're all right now."

Did you hear that the cameraman got arrested? He shot a film.