Hes jokes
What happened when a hammer punished the nail?
He hit him.
What does the egg do after the pan told him a joke?
He cracked up!
Why doesn't George Washington carry his ID?
Because he knows he can always ask for a quarter.
What would Martin Luther King be if he was white? Alive.
Q. What do you call a goose that thinks he's a goat?
A. A Billy Goose.
Memes
What did the flag say to the pole?
Nothing, he just waved.
Teacher: *Reads mythological story about a cyclops*
Me: Does he have one eye cause he's from an incestual family in Alabama?
My owl turned 180 today.
He isn’t old, he just has a bad neck.
"Talking about childhood habits, my friend told me he still collects coins and post stamps and all. He asked me, I said - breastfeeding."
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.
Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it.
I read the joke "what we breathe is called oxygen, that is African food" to my African friend, but he is breathing in tears from his mother dying of hunger...
Your kid's so ugly he would make a Happy Meal cry.
My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.
I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.
Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator? He was fired because he couldn't learn the route.
When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
After 6 months of lockdown,
I was thinking a bit about Bin Laden. He stayed at home with 3 wives for 5 years. I'm beginning to suspect he called the Navy Seals himself.
When Chris Brown heard he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman.
Stop the cap.
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"