Hes jokes

A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.

His wife was up waiting for him.

"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.

He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."

I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.

He’s used to penetrating aggressively.

Why did the pencil want to kill himself?

He had no point in life.

Dylan is so stinking when he goes for a poo poo! 😭🤣🤣

My uncle died in 9/11. He was a pilot.

I met a talking lizard. The doctor told me he had ereptile dysfunction! 🦎

The kid's dad was a magician because he disappeared and never came back.

"Why is Peter Pan always flying?"

"He never lands."

There was a fish looking for a great meal. He looks above him and sees a fly. He thought, "If that fly drops six inches, I would have a meal." Long story short, a pussy gets wet.

I once met a skeleton. I asked if I could tell him a joke. He agreed. I told it to him. He found it quite “humerus”.

Premise 1: IF God exists, he exists.

Premise 2: If God exists, he exists.

Premise 3: IF God exists, he definitely exists.

Conclusion: Therefore he exists.

Stephen is lucky he doesn’t need a vibrator.

He’s got himself.

Where does Stephen Hawking go when he breaks his arm? PC World.

Why did Stephen Hawking cross the road?

Oh wait, he didn't.

My friend dreamed of being a porno star.

He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.

The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!

Why did the scarecrow get an award? He was outstanding in his field. Okay, I'll admit it's corny.

A bowman walked into a throne room, and he bowed to him.

Stephen could not click the "I'm not a robot" button, so I guess he is fucked.

Why did the egg cross the road?

'Cause he wanted to be scrambled!

Did you walk up Stephen Hawking's drive?

Don’t worry, he didn’t either.