Hes jokes
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"
Why didn't the orange go to the doctor?
Because he had vitamin C.
My teacher said, "Say welcome to our new student; he's an orphan." The teacher said, "Is anyone missing?" I said, "That kid's parents."
He placed the chocolates and the flowers down beside her.
Silence...
And then at last she spoke...
"Unexpected item in the bagging area."
Why was Stephen Hawking a bad influence towards kids? Because he couldn’t stand for anything.
Memes
Why wasn’t the frog 🐸 crying?
Because he was hoppy.
Looks like he got stuck in a sticky situation.
I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."
Why did the rapper start gardening?
He wanted to get more ROOTS in his rhymes.
Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”
Mom: “That would be fine, but he hasn’t come out of his room since Friday.”
Boys: “Have you checked the closet?”
Rapboat says he has a rap career. Wrap career more like, wrapping burgers at McDonald's.
"The dad was so horny he wanted to have sex with his wife, but his wife said no, so he fucked his daughter."
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar.
He orders a beer.
My dad was a great pilot...
He died in 9/11.
Yo dad is so hairy, people chased him because they thought he was Bigfoot.
A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”
Yo mama so fat, when Santa Claus went down the chimney, he said, "Ho, ho, hooooly sh*t!"
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
What if Stephen Hawking was the Real Slim Shady, but no one knew because he couldn't stand up?
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?
"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"