Hes jokes

Why did Michael Jackson run?

Because he lost his glove.

Why does Trump always ensure he has a second pair of pants with him every weekend?

In case he gets a hole in one.

He told me that he was in a wheelchair, and I asked, "Oh, wheely?"

The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.

He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.

A man broke into Stevie Wonder's house and threatened to kill his wife.

He just turned a blind eye.

Why did the skeleton want a friend? Because he was feeling bonely.

My granddad died in Auschwitz in WW2...

He fell from a tower.

Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?

Because he fell off his wheelchair.

Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?

He fingered a minor.

Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."

How did Stephen Hawking die? He went in the rain! 😂😂😂

When you're mean to the quiet kid in your class and he kills everyone, good times.

You will never see a redneck opposing a war.

He will instead say, "Wait, I get to kill people and it's not illegal? And they're foreigners?"

My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink, but they wouldn’t listen, so he kept warning them. Then he was kicked out of the theater.

I asked Stephen if he was an organ donor, and he said why.

I said, "That's a shame. I need parts for my go-cart."

"Stop it," said he.

We have a teacher in school. His name is Haybrock, but he is gay, so we call him Gaybrock.

I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.

Zion is so big, when he walks it's an earthquake.