Hes jokes

My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke, and I burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand-up comedian.

I was given an invisibility cloak by my grandfather, but it was stolen in 2013. After investigating this issue, I have come to the conclusion it was Robert Lewandisney.

That's why he was invisible in every big game since 2013. SHAME ON YOU LEWANDISNEY!

The emo kid went for a high five. People say he's still hanging.

How to kick a deaf person off the plane:

Step 1: Pretend to yell and get some friends to do it, too.

Step 2: Tell your friends to raise both of their hands.

Step 3: He's out of the plane on a parachute.

A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."

He couldn't shoot straight.

How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?

He could feel it in his bones!

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Because he Never lands.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9. So what was 10 scared of? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.

I tell a man, "Get me a Glock 19." He comes back with a glove. I was about to shout at him, but then I saw a pistol in his pocket, so I left and thanked him.

He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do you call it life?

She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do you call it life?

ElectroBOOM is a SHOCKING YouTuber! (I can't believe he is still alive!)

Joe Momma so fat when Santa came down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, holy crap!"

Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.

You know why the teacher punished Dairy Milk?

Answer: Because he was choco_'late' to school.

Me and my brother talking about relationships.

Me: We live kind of differently.

Brother: We're sort of alike.

Me: We're not alike.

Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!

My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!

The reason Steven Hawking died is he lost his internet connection.

So, a neutron went to a bar. He asked the bartender how much for a beer. The bartender said, "For you, no charge."

Man, I’m so sorry that Stephen Hawking is dead; he was such a good person.

Too bad it’s a staircase to Heaven and not a ramp.

I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.

He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.

Poor Uranus, he is so gassy.