Hes jokes

Poor Uranus, he is so gassy.

I tell a man, "Get me a Glock 19." He comes back with a glove. I was about to shout at him, but then I saw a pistol in his pocket, so I left and thanked him.

He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do you call it life?

She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do you call it life?

ElectroBOOM is a SHOCKING YouTuber! (I can't believe he is still alive!)

Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.

What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?

He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”

Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock.

He finally got up there, but a bird stole his co-.

What did the skeleton get when he saw goth girls?......A boner.

My Italian chef friend died last week. He pasta away.

What did the bull say when he went to college?

Bison!

I guess you can say he xxxpired.

Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house? Don't worry, he hasn't neither.

What did Santa say when he saw a pretty girl?

HO, HO, HO!

So a man asked another man, "What's your name?"

He says, "What's it to ya?"

So the guy asked again, "And he says what's it to ya?"

Come to find out his name was What's It To Ya.

Why did Obama marry Michelle?

Because he's into chicks with dicks.

So, a neutron went to a bar. He asked the bartender how much for a beer. The bartender said, "For you, no charge."

10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!

I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.

I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."

A blind man walked into me at a store. I said, "Watch it, bitch!" and he said, "Sorry, I didn't see you there."

Why was the egg naughty? Because he wanted a good cracking!