Hes jokes

If the captain of the Titanic was dumb, he would eat the iceberg.

So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was dumb.

1. What do you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho cheese.

2. Knock, knock. Who's there? Ash. Ash who? Achoo!

3. How does the ocean say hello? He waves.

4. Why can't Elsa have a balloon? Because she will let it go.

5. What do you call your enemy? You don't call it at all.

You're so small that when you go to the doctor, he doesn’t know you're there.

A man has the power to grant anyone a wish they want.

A kid comes up and says, "I want to be like Batman!"

The man smiles and grants his wish. The child goes home and finds that he is now an orphan.

Q: Why is Saturn a boy planet?

A: Because he has a nice ring to it.

He sings, he dances, be he also HE HE.

The dirtiest football player in my school was the smallest.

He was just trying to find out who was tickling his balls.

Yo mama so ugly, when Santa saw her, he said, "Ho, ho, hole shit!"

Donald Trump didn't even finish the wall. He should have hired Mexicans to do it!

A boy named Jimmy was riding to Hell to save his brothers and sister. That is the last place he pissed. There came across the Devil.

Part 1

What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?

He flew up!

My dad died during 9/11, he was the best pilot in all Saudi Arabia.

There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.

A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."

Why can’t Santa have kids?

He only cums once a year.

What did the dad say to the kid?

Nothing, he went to get the milk.

Talking about planets with my nephew.

He asked if you could plow thru Uranus because it's all gas.

God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.

Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."