Hes jokes
What is David Bowie known for when making music? He gets his beats from his kids.
Why is a waiter good at math?
Because he knows his TABLES! 🤣
Why did the T-Rex 🦖 get a ticket?
He ran at a stomp light!
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."
Memes
Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"
He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.
A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.
Do you know why an atom is positive? He kept his electrons.
Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?
He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.
An alien goes to Area 51, but I wonder why he doesn't go to your house?
An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"
I once asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite... He said, "NaBrO."
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?
"That is bull crap!"
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?
"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.