Hes jokes

When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.

His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.

My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!

Why did the man miss the funeral?

He wasn’t a mourning person.

"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he says.

"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."

My dog is a genius... I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing.

Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day.

Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

Lucifer's so broke he can't even afford air conditioning units.

Why do all of Oliver Anthony's songs sound like "shit"?

Answer: Because he sucks!

Why is the number 10 always scared?

Answer: He’s in the middle of 9/11.

I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"

Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the show?

Because he wanted to drop some FLY VERSES!

"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."

Everybody is talking about Trump having leaks in his office.

I don't see what the problem is. He should just use a better fitting diaper next time.

What did the wizard say when he was filling up the gas tank? "Expensive Petroleum!"

They say Trump got impeached, but he is an orange.

My cousin said he wonders why people have sex with animals, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.

Ol’ McDonald had a farm e-I-e-I-oh.

What does Michael Jackson say when it gets hot?

He-he-eat!

Angela: Kris, I just met the nicest, sweetest guy ever.

Kristie: Who is he and what is his name?

Angela: His name is Kevin.

Kristie: Kevin? I remember him. He said he had to go to Italy for a meeting, never seen him after that. What the hell is Kevin doing here?

Angela: I don't know.

A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."