Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house? Don't worry, he hasn't neither.
Hes Jokes
What did Santa say when he saw a pretty girl?
HO, HO, HO!
So a man asked another man, "What's your name?"
He says, "What's it to ya?"
So the guy asked again, "And he says what's it to ya?"
Come to find out his name was What's It To Ya.
Why did Obama marry Michelle?
Because he's into chicks with dicks.
So, a neutron went to a bar. He asked the bartender how much for a beer. The bartender said, "For you, no charge."
10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!
I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.
I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."
A blind man walked into me at a store. I said, "Watch it, bitch!" and he said, "Sorry, I didn't see you there."
Why was the egg naughty? Because he wanted a good cracking!
I told my friend an egg joke yesterday.
He thought it was eggcellent.
Man, I’m so sorry that Stephen Hawking is dead; he was such a good person.
Too bad it’s a staircase to Heaven and not a ramp.
I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.
He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.
Did you hear about the old Italian chef?? Yeah he pasta away.
Then a man walked comprehending to be him. Everyone knew he was an impasta.
So you know "The Lion King."
Do you remember Simba?
Well, his dad is really strong, and he walks really fast, but Simba walks really slow.
So I told him to Mufasa.
Why did he die?
Because God made a mistake and pressed Ctrl+Z.
Me and my brother talking about relationships.
Me: We live kind of differently.
Brother: We're sort of alike.
Me: We're not alike.
Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!
My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!
You know why the teacher punished Dairy Milk?
Answer: Because he was choco_'late' to school.
The reason Steven Hawking died is he lost his internet connection.
Joe Momma so fat when Santa came down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, holy crap!"
Why didn't the bear leave home?
He could not bear leaving his family.
