Why is the number 10 always scared?
Answer: He’s in the middle of 9/11.
Hes Jokes
I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”
I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine? Anyone know what he means?
Me going to jail after telling the orphan he can't learn about ancient Egypt because he don't know what a mummy is.
Chuck Norris once went to hell.
After that, the Devil only falls asleep after he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Why can’t you tell JFK facts about Dallas?
Last time he was there, he got his mind blown.
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
Why did the orphan stop playing baseball?
He could never get a home run.
Why did the orphan turn gay?
A: Because he wanted someone to call him "daddy."
Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.
I asked a kid why he was so blue.
Didn't realize his parents were choking him out.
A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.
Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"
The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."
Why did the orphan take a selfie?
Because he wanted a family portrait.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
Because he doesn’t know where home is.
Once my cat was playing video games. I was OVERWATCHing him.
I asked him to PAWS the game. He then hissed at me. I was surprised; he usually has a good PURRsonality. He said he YARNED to play the game.
Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"
Why did the duck get arrested? Because he was selling quack.
How did the Skeleton know it was gonna rain?
He read the weather forecast.
He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.
A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.
