Hes jokes
My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."
Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow-herd.
Why does Mario eat mushrooms?
Because he's a very fungi!
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a truck.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, I'm not a poo, you're a poo.
Why was the fart on Kickstarter? He just needed some gas.
Why is a waiter good at math?
Because he knows his TABLES! 🤣
Why does an orphan have to go to church? Because that's the only way he can pray for a father.
Stephen Hawking's death was completely accidental.
He pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep".
What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?
"That is bull crap!"
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
We asked our teacher many times for an atlas, and he said, "At last, you can have one!"
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."
My dog is a genius... I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing.
Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day.
Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
Why did the Jew get an electric car?
Because he was afraid of the gas.
"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."
What did the wizard say when he was filling up the gas tank? "Expensive Petroleum!"