My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.
Hes Jokes
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."
My dog is a genius... I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing.
Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day.
Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
Why did the rapper bring a map to the studio?
Because he was searching for the PERFECT FLOW.
Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the show?
Because he wanted to drop some FLY VERSES!
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
Why did the Jew get an electric car?
Because he was afraid of the gas.
"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."
What did the wizard say when he was filling up the gas tank? "Expensive Petroleum!"
They say Trump got impeached, but he is an orange.
I don’t know if Jesus was black or white, but I know he for sure wasn’t Asian because people wouldn’t ask him to take the wheel.
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.
Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
Why'd Biden get fired from the supermarket?
He kept telling little kids they smell like freshly baked bread.
Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a bus.
I told a kid in a wheelchair that he should use his rocket league booster.
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?
"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"
