Hes jokes
Why did the child cross the road?
Because he didn’t wear a seatbelt.
There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."
Why did the bee go to the doctors?
Answer: Because he had hives.
The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”
If a priest listens to sad music in his church, he really enjoys being deep in minor.
Memes
My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!
I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!
Why is Ollie so boring? He plays board games.
How does the earth rate its sex?
Earthquake, Cataclysm, Volcano explosion, Earth's core explodes.
If the earth's core explodes, then he got tore up!
Why did the emo swallow the alarm clock?
So he could wake up inside.
Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.
The pastor jumped at the chance to meet Ariana the other day.
He also grabbed, fondled, and fingered. Some might say he was milking the situation.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Don’t worry, he woke up.
In my basement.
I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.
Why can't orphans stand Darth Vader?
Because he's their father.
What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.
All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.
The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"
The man said, "My wife does!"
Why did the orphan kill itself?
Because he's depressed about no family.
Once, an orphan purposely fell out of a tree. He forgot his parents wouldn't catch him.
"Spider-Man: No Way Home," know why he’s an orphan now?