Hes jokes

The boy was clapping, then he became clapped.

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"

Why did the baker's hands smell of shit?

He kneaded a turd.

Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.

You know how 7 8 9? Why was ten scared? 'Cos he was in the middle of 9/11.

I walk up to a kid. I ask where his parents are, and he started crying. Then I walked out of the orphanage.

How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?

He CRACKed up.

Stevie Wonder is a terrible father.

He never sees his kids.

My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.

I saw a little boy begging for money.

I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yes, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents!"

What do you call a kid with no arms or legs?

Don't matter what you call him, he ain't coming.

So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.

What's the definition of a bastard?

Answer: A man with a 1 inch dick and a 10 inch tongue and all he wants to do is fuck!

So, an orphan walked into a store. He gets lost and the store clerk asked, "Do you need help finding your parent?" and the orphan ran out crying.

A guy walks into a bar, he's like, "What's your number, lad?" and the woman is like, "298-777-fatso.com" and he walked home depressed.

What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?

"Put it in my bill."

What do you say to your customer at a popsicle stand when he asks for the price?

Dollar a pop!

Get it?

Why can't orphans go to a school field trip?

Because he needs the parent's signature.

Why did the T-Rex 🦖 get a ticket?

He ran at a stomp light!

Mom: It's time for sleep.

Baby: Is that what you think, huh?

Mom: *gives baby pacifier*

Baby: Nice try, hobo.

Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.

*few hours later*

Baby: *still awake*

Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!

Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.