Hes Jokes

A Spanish magician is trying the disappearing trick. He counts "Uno, dos..." and leaves no trace.

I don't know, my friend did it.

What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"

So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.

Why did the orphan go to jail? Because he could finally have a home.

How did the man in prison escape?

He drew a bum on the wall and slid through the crack.

A man is recording a video with text above his head that reads, "When I ask my son to grab me a beer and he responds with 'How many?' instead of 'But it's 10am on a Tuesday.'"

I love my grandpa, he killed Hitler.

What appears over Ash’s head when he gets an idea?

A LightBulbasaur.

I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!

If you have a bad day, go tell an orphan to find his parents. He will be searching all day.

The boy was clapping, then he became clapped.

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"

Why did the baker's hands smell of shit?

He kneaded a turd.

Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.

You know how 7 8 9? Why was ten scared? 'Cos he was in the middle of 9/11.

I walk up to a kid. I ask where his parents are, and he started crying. Then I walked out of the orphanage.

How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?

He CRACKed up.

Stevie Wonder is a terrible father.

He never sees his kids.

My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.