Hes jokes

So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.

I saw a little kid crying today. I asked where his parents were, and he started to cry more. I left the orphanage to get some milk after that.

How did Mace Windu die?

He fell out the windoo.

The boy was clapping, then he became clapped.

My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"

Why was the duck fired from the train station?

He was a bad conducktor!

Nina, you better run to hell. You're going there anyway!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You don't be mean to Alex!!!!!!!!!!! He is sweet, kind, loving, and protective!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Spanish magician is trying the disappearing trick. He counts "Uno, dos..." and leaves no trace.

I don't know, my friend did it.

If you have a bad day, go tell an orphan to find his parents. He will be searching all day.

Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.

If 6 is afraid of 7 because 7, 8, 9, why is 10 scared? Because he is in the middle of 9/11.

I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.

A priest and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink.

I forgot you can't make depression jokes outside of Twitter, lmao. My coworker was like, "You ready for this year to be over?"

I was like, "I'm ready for this life to be over." He was like, "Bro, what?"

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8, 9.

Do you know why 10 was scared? Because he was between 9/11.

Why did 10 die??

Because he was in between 9/11.

You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!

People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.

Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.

Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.

He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.

"Jesus is the pioneer of Hollywood. He's still famous and my favorite idol."