So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.
Hes Jokes
What's the definition of a bastard?
Answer: A man with a 1 inch dick and a 10 inch tongue and all he wants to do is fuck!
So, an orphan walked into a store. He gets lost and the store clerk asked, "Do you need help finding your parent?" and the orphan ran out crying.
A guy walks into a bar, he's like, "What's your number, lad?" and the woman is like, "298-777-fatso.com" and he walked home depressed.
What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?
"Put it in my bill."
What do you say to your customer at a popsicle stand when he asks for the price?
Dollar a pop!
Get it?
Why can't orphans go to a school field trip?
Because he needs the parent's signature.
Why did the T-Rex 🦖 get a ticket?
He ran at a stomp light!
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."
Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow-herd.
Why does Mario eat mushrooms?
Because he's a very fungi!
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a truck.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, I'm not a poo, you're a poo.
Why was the fart on Kickstarter? He just needed some gas.
Why is a waiter good at math?
Because he knows his TABLES! 🤣
Why does an orphan have to go to church? Because that's the only way he can pray for a father.
Stephen Hawking's death was completely accidental.
He pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep".
What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?
"That is bull crap!"
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
We asked our teacher many times for an atlas, and he said, "At last, you can have one!"
