Hes

Hes jokes

Duck

Why was the duck fired from the train station?

He was a bad conducktor!

Bartender

My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!

Earth

How does the earth rate its sex?

Earthquake, Cataclysm, Volcano explosion, Earth's core explodes.

If the earth's core explodes, then he got tore up!

Emo

Why did the emo swallow the alarm clock?

So he could wake up inside.

Memes

Avalanche

What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.

Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.

Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

Orphan

I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.

Pastor

The pastor jumped at the chance to meet Ariana the other day.

He also grabbed, fondled, and fingered. Some might say he was milking the situation.

Kidnapping

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Don’t worry, he woke up.

In my basement.

Fraud

I was on the Official Cristiano Ronaldo website when suddenly my Anti-Virus software showed an alert on my screen! The notification read "WARNING: FRAUD DETECTED!" I was shocked but not surprised.

Penaldo has been finished for years after all, and he often ghosts in big games.

Son

All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.

The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"

The man said, "My wife does!"

Orphan

Why does an orphan hate the internet?

Because he's always on the homepage.

Orphan

Why did the orphan kill itself?

Because he's depressed about no family.

Orphan

Why did the orphan die?

He killed himself because the lack of a support system made him depressed.

Ugliness

What's the difference between you and Frankenstein?

He is not ugly like you; plus, he has a wife.

Pistol

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.

You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.