Hes jokes

I'm so proud of my grandpa, he killed Hitler. WAIT-

My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.

You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because he can't find home.

Why did tube date electricity? Because he would light up when she touched him.

Why can't Stephen Hawking go to heaven?

'Cause he'd walk up the stairs!

Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.

Why did the zebra cross the road?

Because he wanted to go to the Shell station.

Why did Steven Hawkins go to hell?

Because he couldn't walk the stairs to heaven.

My grandpa said I'm too reliant on technology... so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support.

What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo!"

Archer riddle has less atoms in his brain than he does in his dick, and his dick is 1/4 of a millimeter.

A guy goes to the store to buy thyme.

When he got back to put the thyme away he realized he still had thyme left. This was all for nothing, it was just a big waste of your thyme.

So, my friend's birthday is in a couple of days, and I was wondering what to get him.

He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers.

I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.

The previous joke was by Sebastian Wittrock, but he put Miguel Roberts as the name.

Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?

Yeah, neither has he!

What was the incontinent farmer's greatest problem? He managed his carrot patch but couldn't control his peas!

Stephen Hawking was an unfaithful man. He had an affair with Alexa.

Stephen Hawking isn’t dead, he’s just using VPN.