Hes Jokes

My grandpa said I'm too reliant on technology... so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support.

What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo!"

Archer riddle has less atoms in his brain than he does in his dick, and his dick is 1/4 of a millimeter.

A guy goes to the store to buy thyme.

When he got back to put the thyme away he realized he still had thyme left. This was all for nothing, it was just a big waste of your thyme.

So, my friend's birthday is in a couple of days, and I was wondering what to get him.

He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers.

A bald man is holding a hairdryer up to his head with a confused look. The text above him reads "WTF IS HE BLOW DRYING?" and below him "HIS THOUGHTS?"

I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.

The previous joke was by Sebastian Wittrock, but he put Miguel Roberts as the name.

Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?

Yeah, neither has he!

What was the incontinent farmer's greatest problem? He managed his carrot patch but couldn't control his peas!

Stephen Hawking was an unfaithful man. He had an affair with Alexa.

Stephen Hawking isn’t dead, he’s just using VPN.

What was the last thing Stephen Hawking said before he died?

"Windows Shut Down."

My step bro thought I was single and tried to take me, but I said, "I'm take." And guess what he did? He cried.

Why? Why would you do that?

Ol' Mate Shane Warne has sadly passed away. He was probably Australia's Greatest Ever Cricketer. RIP Ol' Mate Warney, died doing what you loved, having gay sex with men and doing cocaine! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Like if you RIP Shane Warne 🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺

Why can't Michael Jackson come within 500 meters of a school?

Because he's dead. 😁

Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.

This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."

Was Jesus a virgin? Of course not! He was nailed before he was killed.

The very young and pretty nun was walking home from the soup kitchen when a homeless man dragged her into the woods and had his way with her.

When he was done, he asked her what she would tell the Mother Superior when she got back to the convent. She calmly said that she would tell her the truth.

She said: "I will tell her that I was on my way home when the most disgusting, repulsive, and abhorrent man dragged me into the woods and had his way with me... twice; that is if you are not too tired."