Hes jokes

My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!

And he's not even left the house yet!!!

There was someone who slept late... he missed the dream!

The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)

When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...

What did the Japanese man say to his friend after he killed somebody?

"That is very Wong."

My friend is an amazing hacker. He cut down 23 trees already.

Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?

A. He marks the camels that kick.

My father was a great pilot. He died on 9/11.

Why couldn't the annoying dog get on Papyrus's nerves?

HE'S A SKELETON. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.

My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.

Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.

To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."

Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

When does a cub become a Boy Scout?

When he eats his first brownie.

What would Bill Cosby be if he was white?

Innocent.

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie?

He can’t walkie or talkie.

Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.

Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.

Did you hear about the deaf guy's STI?

He got hearing aids.

What does Can do after eating its vegetables?

Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.

How does the cop respond to being called racist?

He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."

My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.