I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
Hes Jokes
Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?
Because he wanted to drop higher bars!
Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?
"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."
Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."
The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."
Why did the rapper start a gardening business?
He had mad ROOTS in the game.
Why did the weatherman’s cheeks turn pink?
He saw the climate change.
Nah, North Korea got inspired by the fatman nuke that he also became a fatman with nukes.
My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
After 6 months of lockdown,
I was thinking a bit about Bin Laden. He stayed at home with 3 wives for 5 years. I'm beginning to suspect he called the Navy Seals himself.
What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?
"Alpaca my bags."
Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?
Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn’t all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.
You want to know why Santa brings such a big sack?
Because he only comes once a year.
Why did the dwarf laugh when he walked on the field?
The grass was tickling his balls.
"Hola soy Dora, do you see Donald Trump? That’s right, he’s at my house, and he’s building a wall to separate me and Caillou. And Mami won’t let him, so she was walled alive!"
So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4, and he started crying. What's he gonna do? Tell his family? XD
How did the cookie 🍪 feel when he was dunked in milk?
Batter.
I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.
But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"
