Hes jokes
You want to know why Santa brings such a big sack?
Because he only comes once a year.
"Hola soy Dora, do you see Donald Trump? That’s right, he’s at my house, and he’s building a wall to separate me and Caillou. And Mami won’t let him, so she was walled alive!"
I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.
So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4, and he started crying. What's he gonna do? Tell his family? XD
I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.
But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"
Memes
What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?
"Alpaca my bags."
Three boys are in the 4th grade; one is black, one is white, and the other is Hispanic. Who has the biggest penis?
The black one... he's 13!
My dad died in 9/11, he was a great pilot.
Stephen Hawking is just in a role play. He died to a crash in Minecraft.
One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.
Why did the disabled kid cross the road?
(Why?)
He can't.
"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he replies.
Why did Hitler never go to a strip club?
Because he hated the Poles!
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.
One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”
The dear God created the man.
Then he created woman.
When he then saw what he had done, he took care of tobacco and alcohol.
My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.
Why did Uranus say gross? Because he saw Uranus.
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."
Why did the kid cross the road?
He wasn't wearing his seatbelt.