Hes jokes

When you realize your friend standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does.

What do you call Hitler when he gets thrown?

A gas grenade.

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

Why did the pumpkin man not go to the party? He had his hand stuck in a treasure chest.

Why did a Mexican go to Home Depot?

Because he thought it said "Home Deport."

I once told an orphan to go big or go home. He replied, "I can't get home; it got bombed."

What does Sonic wear when he goes to the beach? A speedo.

I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.

Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."

*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"

Me: *watching TV*

Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!

Me: Really?

Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.

How did my dad know I was gay?

He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.

You say Alex Jones, I say Alex moans mmmmm. I like that fat, tasty big boy and his Rolex watches, mummy, he turns me on!

I was in Afghanistan and I had been captured by the Taliban. I was going to get the death penalty.

Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and offered to take the penalty. It was my idolo Penaldo. He missed the penalty. Now I will die. Shame on u Penaldo!

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

Yo, dad is so stupid, he brought the milk after two years, and he said, "Oh, sorry son. I'm going back to the store. Bye."

Do you know why the cake doesn't ever fight anyone?

He says, "Take a peace of that!" while entering a fight.

Why did the orphan have to go to public school? He could not be home-schooled.

This kid was crying, so I asked him where his parents were. He just cried harder. I still remember him every time I pass that orphanage.

What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.

My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.