Hes jokes
Why did the people think Stephen Hawking was disrespectful?
'Cause he didn't stand up for the national anthem.
Why was the cow afraid?
Because he was a cow-herd!
Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.
He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"
Stephen Hawking died because he was too far away from the Wi-Fi router.
Why can you punch an orphan and get away with it?
Because what is he gonna do, tell his parents?
Memes
Why do orphans always go to church? Because that’s the only place they could call someone "father."
Why was Wet scared of Water? Because he was the water.
How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?
If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.
My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.
He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.
A stone’s throw away, in fact.
Stephen Hawking didn't die, he just uploaded himself to the 'net...
A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."
Why was Stephen Hawking disappointed when he got his Christmas present? It was singing lessons.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He forgot his eggs.
I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.
Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."
He said, "What do you want?"
I said, "To be your new father."
"Really??!" the orphan said.
Me: Lol, no.
Orphan *Jumps into street*
Why did Michael Jackson die?
Because I have a new phone number, and he does not know.
He only won the election because of rigging.
82 million votes my ass.
Ask me for proof.
When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.
Why did the chicken cross the road? He wanted to get to the other side.
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.