Hes jokes

A Catholic gay male that is well-endowed goes to confession, and while he is inside the confessional booth, the Catholic priest is sucking his dick, and he says to the Catholic priest, "What are you doing, Father?"

And the priest says, "It's called giving a blowjob."

And the Catholic gay male says, "Why are you giving me a blowjob, Father, inside the confessional booth?"

And the Catholic priest says, "If there was no glory hole in the confessional booth, my son, it would not be called a confessional booth in the first place."

Why did Billy drop his ice cream?

'Cause he got hit by a bus.

I walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by himself. He looked like he needed a hand, so I offered to help.

He said, "This is not a big screen TV, it's a Kindle!!"

What does Jesus do when he gets nervous? He bites his nails.

Technoblade: Makes jokes about orphans while in hospital.

Doctors to Technoblade's dad: Sorry for your loss.

Technoblade: What do you mean?? I'm right here!!

Orphans found parents: Who's he talking to??

I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.

Oh, don't worry, he's okay now.

But the vet charged me six quid.

Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!

Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.

Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!

Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.

Karien: That is so boring!

Daiana: Well just work with me please?

Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

It doesn't matter, he's dead.

How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?

It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.

Spock went to the Enterprise's toilet and he knocked on it. "Kirk, are you in there?" Spock asked.

Kirk answered, "Hold on, I am making a captain's log."

How do you know a vampire's sick?

If he's coffin (coughing?)

I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.

Friend: Why did you touch me?

Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.

Sans: What is Todoroki's favorite coffee creamer?

Half n' Half hehe.

Papyrus: Sans! He's not even part of our fandom!!!

Sans: Bro don't get so HOT headed about it. Just CHILL.

Sorry not sorry -sans

Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.

Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.

Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.

Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.

What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?

A: Where's the holy baby?

What happened when the dog played golf?

He hit the ball into the ruff.

Stephen Hawking isn't actually dead. He is just having an update.

Is Stephen Hawking a physicist now?

No, because he is dead.

When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.