Hes jokes
Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.
He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"
Why was the cow afraid?
Because he was a cow-herd!
Why did the people think Stephen Hawking was disrespectful?
'Cause he didn't stand up for the national anthem.
Did you hear about the person who died? I would tell you about him, but he died.
Q: How did Stephen Hawking die?
A: He lost internet connection.
Memes
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.
Why did Michael Jackson die?
Because I have a new phone number, and he does not know.
When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.
I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."
He said, "What do you want?"
I said, "To be your new father."
"Really??!" the orphan said.
Me: Lol, no.
Orphan *Jumps into street*
He only won the election because of rigging.
82 million votes my ass.
Ask me for proof.
Why did the chicken cross the road? He wanted to get to the other side.
I call my dad a motherfucker because he fucked his mom.
Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
So he could get into high school.
I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.
Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got ran over by a bus.
Why was Stephen Hawking disappointed when he got his Christmas present? It was singing lessons.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He forgot his eggs.
A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"
He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.
The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."
One day, a father was showering, and his daughter ran into the bathroom while he was getting out and drying off.
The daughter curiously pointed to her father's penis and asked, "Daddy, when am I going to get one of those!?"
The father replied quickly, "In about 15 minutes, when your mother leaves for work."