Hes jokes

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because he can't find home.

I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"

My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.

Him: How do you break things?

Me: You break things up.

Him: Okay.

Me: Is everything okay?

Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.

I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:

P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.

Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.

“They are all very tearable,” he replied.

Well, there is one person who gets it!

Why does Wet have a big head? Because he got hit by a wetaroid!

Q: Why didn't the skeleton laugh at the joke?

A: He broke his funny bone!

I told my friend to fly a plane,

But he threw a ramp off a roof.

So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!

Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.

He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"

"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.

Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

Because he wasn't peeling very well!

My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"

The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."

Do you know why Peter Pan is always flying?

Because he Neverlands!

Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?

He was just going through a stage.

Why did the rapper refuse to write a diss track?

He didn’t want to start beef, he’s VEGAN.

Why was the bee’s hair sticky?

He used honeycomb.

Kate: Can we have a threesome?

Trevor: Sure.

The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.

22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."

Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!

Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.

Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”

How do trees access the internet? They log in.

Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.