When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.
Hes Jokes
Stephen Hawking didn't die, he just uploaded himself to the 'net...
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
Stephen Hawking died because he was too far away from the Wi-Fi router.
How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?
If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.
Why can you punch an orphan and get away with it?
Because what is he gonna do, tell his parents?
What happened when the dog played golf?
He hit the ball into the ruff.
Is Stephen Hawking a physicist now?
No, because he is dead.
Stephen Hawking isn't actually dead. He is just having an update.
Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.
He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"
Why did the people think Stephen Hawking was disrespectful?
'Cause he didn't stand up for the national anthem.
A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."
I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."
He said, "What do you want?"
I said, "To be your new father."
"Really??!" the orphan said.
Me: Lol, no.
Orphan *Jumps into street*
When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.
He only won the election because of rigging.
82 million votes my ass.
Ask me for proof.
I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.
Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He forgot his eggs.
Why was Stephen Hawking disappointed when he got his Christmas present? It was singing lessons.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got ran over by a bus.
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.
