Hes jokes

I had a friend who got shot in the head.

Guess you could say he was...

Blown Away!

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was depressed.

I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.

Me: Have you seen a Mr. Weewoo?

Most people: No.

Me: He drives the ambulance downstairs.

The annoying orange told the annoying, insecure, beta bitch orange that he wants to be the most annoying thing on Earth again.

Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.

The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!

If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

He can't run home.

I would stop bullying the orphan kid, what's he gonna do? Cry to his mommy?

If you hit an orphan on the arm, what will he do? Tell his parents?

Guys, these jokes are not funny. My dad died, he was the best Arabic pilot ever.

Why did John rape his mother? Because he wanted a brother to play Mario Kart with.

Chuck Norris once killed 50 people with a grenade. Then he threw the grenade.

A 9-year-old girl lies on a hospital bed struggling to breathe as she waits for the doctor to come.

The doctor finally comes, and the little girl can breathe much easier after he pulls his cock out of her mouth.

What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?

Anything you want—he can’t hear you.

Why was the emo kicked out of the Carnival? Because he was cutting in line.

Why couldn't the orphan play baseball?

He could not find home.

I saw a kid wearing tatty rags on a curb, so I asked, "Are you an orphan?"

"Yes," he replied. "What gave me away?" He asked, "Your parents," I said.

Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.