Hes jokes

My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.

So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!

Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.

He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"

"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.

Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"

I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.

If you hit an orphan on the arm, what will he do? Tell his parents?

Guys, these jokes are not funny. My dad died, he was the best Arabic pilot ever.

Why did John rape his mother? Because he wanted a brother to play Mario Kart with.

The annoying orange told the annoying, insecure, beta bitch orange that he wants to be the most annoying thing on Earth again.

Funny how "Hawking" rhymes with "talking" and "walking," and he can't do either.

And the first four letters of his Christian name spell "step," and he also can't do that.

A kid went to visit his bully, and he says, "How's your face?" The kid says, "How's your parents?" and proceeds to walk out of the orphanage.

I bought my son a trampoline. He sat in his wheelchair and cried.

"Is that a quirked-up white boi with a little bit of swag, busting it down sexual style?

Is HE goated with the sauce?"

Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!

A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!

Trump cheated so much he cheated himself out of an election!

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.

What do you call James Bond when he’s taking a bath?

Bubble 07.

Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.

The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!

If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)

If a midget does meth, does he get high or get medium?