My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"
The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."
Hes Jokes
I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:
P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.
Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.
“They are all very tearable,” he replied.
Well, there is one person who gets it!
Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage.
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
Why did the rapper refuse to write a diss track?
He didn’t want to start beef, he’s VEGAN.
Why was the bee’s hair sticky?
He used honeycomb.
Me: Have you seen a Mr. Weewoo?
Most people: No.
Me: He drives the ambulance downstairs.
A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.
I told my friend to fly a plane,
But he threw a ramp off a roof.
I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crummy!
A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because he wasn't peeling very well!
Why did the orange fall off the tree? Because he went out on a limb.
Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.
He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"
"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.
Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"
So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!
Do you know why Peter Pan is always flying?
Because he Neverlands!
Kate: Can we have a threesome?
Trevor: Sure.
The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.
