Hes jokes

To start, I'm a big fella in size.

I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.

My dad died, so I dug his grave. I was asked why I murdered him. I answered, "Guess we'll never know who did it because he dug his own grave." My father was William Afton.

Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.

The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.

The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."

What did Michael Jackson find on his bedsheets?

Billie's Jeans... Hee hee!

But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend, so she invites him to a romantic dinner.

After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it, but her boyfriend was clueless about such acts, so she tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 position. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same, but the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly, the girl had an urge to fart but held it in because her asshole was right near his bf's face. Suddenly, she loses control and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says, "Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."

VOTING QUARTERFINAL 1: LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid's sketchers light up.

DISLIKE: When the school shooter finds you and you think you're gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen. 🖌

Vote for the better joke!

Kenny is a comfort snacker.

Every time he's stressed, he eats his mom's pussy.

Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.

So my friend and I went camping at a Cold Lake Campground and he jumped into it without any warning, and so I asked him, "Wat-er you doing?"

Shorkey will find you in bed tonight, and he will eat you like my joke or else...

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was depressed.

What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?

Anything you want—he can’t hear you.

The annoying orange told the annoying, insecure, beta bitch orange that he wants to be the most annoying thing on Earth again.

Why couldn't the orphan play baseball?

He could not find home.

Why was the emo kicked out of the Carnival? Because he was cutting in line.

I'm the champion of this site. I fight with the ten rings and ten fists of the legendary Buddha.

Now for my joke...

Why does Peter Pan always fly?

Because he never lands.

I saw a kid wearing tatty rags on a curb, so I asked, "Are you an orphan?"

"Yes," he replied. "What gave me away?" He asked, "Your parents," I said.

Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.

Why could the orphan never be gay?

Because he had nobody to call "daddy."

Why can't the cheetah play hide and seek? Because he's always spotted.