Hes jokes
When does the slowest person go as fast as a train?
When he is on the train.
A guy wakes up one morning and is walking down the road, and he smells fish, and he says, "Good morning, ladies!"
Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?
His name is Vladimir Pootin.
I told my friends that are gay that my hairline's straighter than he will ever be.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because he was tired of waiting for the milk.
Memes
What is Michael Jackson's chemical? The HE-HE-lium.
A father came to his daughter's 18th birthday. He finally came.
Why did the octopus 🐙 beat the shark in a fight?
Because he was well armed!
Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!
A guy with AIDS went into the doctor's room unusually happy. You could even say he was HIV positive.
Roses are red, violets are blue, like my hole, Uncle Bill is making me full, better run here he comes!
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
My brother when he sees a girl.
I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.
What do you call Darth Vader when he dies?
A black alien.
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.
I saw a kid sitting on the curb and I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" "You're parents did."
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
If there was a girl and a boy and the boy fell, what did the boy do to the girl?
He fell for her.