Hes jokes
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
My brother when he sees a girl.
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.
I saw a kid sitting on the curb and I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" "You're parents did."
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.
My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.
What do you call Darth Vader when he dies?
A black alien.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
I told my friends that are gay that my hairline's straighter than he will ever be.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because he was tired of waiting for the milk.
One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
Why can't Kobe go shopping?
He's dead.
Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.
You shouldn't joke about 9/11. My grampa died on 9/11. He was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Nothing, because fish can't talk.
When does the slowest person go as fast as a train?
When he is on the train.
A guy wakes up one morning and is walking down the road, and he smells fish, and he says, "Good morning, ladies!"
Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?
His name is Vladimir Pootin.