Hes jokes

Jesus is a rock music fan.

Because he likes Nine Inch Nails.

I wonder if Stephen Hawking heard the song "Gangster's Paradise." Oh, shit, he can't!

I asked my dad, "Why did you paint rabbits on your bald head?"

He replied, "Because I thought it would look like hares."

Why did the Indian cross the road?

Because he opened a corner shop on the other side.

A kid got a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. He was still unhappy.

Why?

The kid had no legs.

It was 7:00 a.m. when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep. He got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat. "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely. Billy replied with, "Whatever Dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"

My dad is Al-Qaeda, and he even took a plane trip to New York in 2001.

Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he was dead.

To start, I'm a big fella in size.

I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.

Why did the midget not go to bed?

He couldn't reach the bed.

Did you ever walk into Steve Hawking's house?

"No."

He hasn't too.

What is Trump's favorite snack?

Cheetos.

(Get it? He looks like a Cheeto!)

Last time Kenny ate a vegetable, he got banned from his mom's nursing home.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter; he's not coming.

This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.

He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”

Why did Hitler's girlfriend break up with him? He Hit-ler.

Two Asians walked into a strip club and they went to a cashier. They put in their names: her name was He Gay and his name was Shi A Ho.

What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?

You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.

Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?

None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wipe his ass.