How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
Hes Jokes
I told my friends that are gay that my hairline's straighter than he will ever be.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because he was tired of waiting for the milk.
One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
Why can't Kobe go shopping?
He's dead.
Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.
You shouldn't joke about 9/11. My grampa died on 9/11. He was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Nothing, because fish can't talk.
When does the slowest person go as fast as a train?
When he is on the train.
A guy wakes up one morning and is walking down the road, and he smells fish, and he says, "Good morning, ladies!"
Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?
His name is Vladimir Pootin.
A father came to his daughter's 18th birthday. He finally came.
Why is six scared of seven? Because 7 8 9.
Then why was 10 scared? Because he was between 9/11.
Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?
Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.
If I teach man he is the fish I caught, will I no longer be a fisher of men?
Why did the author go to the emergency room?
His editor told him he needed an appendix removed.
A guy with AIDS went into the doctor's room unusually happy. You could even say he was HIV positive.
Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!
Why does Saturn have a ring?
Because God liked it, so he put a ring on it.
