Hes jokes

Why can’t Hitler do track?

He can’t even finish a race.

A Souls fan raped me. He said, "Try finger, but hole."

Why was the emo kicked out of the circus?

Because he was cutting in line!

A turtle was walking down the street when all of a sudden a snail came up to him and robbed him.

When the policemen showed up and asked him what happened, he responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"

Everybody is mad because that guy from Alberta punched a girl in a wheelchair.

I think he was upset because he found out his sister was cheating on him.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he wanted to get to the other side. LOL.

Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.

Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.

Donald Trump is getting all the perks of 2020. He got COVID and lost his job.

Why did Stephen Hawking go to Hell?

He couldn't get up the stairway to Heaven.

Have you ever walked in to Stephen Hawking's house?

No, neither has he.

What did the sweet potato say to the potato when he was told to hurry?

I yam.

My brother wanted to sharpen my pencil. I told him he had a point.

Why did the little boy cry?

He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.

Why did the skeleton not listen to the rules?

He was "bone tiba wild."

What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?

Nothing, he just started wanking.

He dead, he alive, but most importantly, he got a new hard drive.

Where did Stephen Hawking go after he died?

FNAF Sister Location.

There was a person inside who needed help from the police, but the police changed their number, so he ordered a party with pizzas from 2 airplanes, but the pilots were stupid, so they put people instead of pizzas, and one landed on the 93rd floor and the 94th floor, literally.

A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.

The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.

The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.

"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.

The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."

What did Stephen Hawking's computer say when he died?

"ERROR"