Hes jokes
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
Did you hear about the guy who invented the first knock knock joke?
He won the No Bell Prize!
How did Stephen Hawking die? Because he didn't charge his batteries.
God, I miss Stephen Hawking.
He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.
Why did the little boy cry?
He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.
Why did the stoner cross the road?
He got so wasted, he thought he was a chicken.
What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?
Nothing, he just started wanking.
He dead, he alive, but most importantly, he got a new hard drive.
I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.
How does an artist fill in a CV?
He draws on experience.
Why is Santa’s sack so big?
Because he only comes once a year.
Have you ever walked in to Stephen Hawking's house?
No, neither has he.
What did the sweet potato say to the potato when he was told to hurry?
I yam.
Where did Stephen Hawking go after he died?
FNAF Sister Location.
Is your dad Spider-Man, because he got no way home?
Why did the pervert cross the road?
'Cause he was stuck to the chicken.
If God didn’t mean for us to have sex with 11-year-old girls, why did he make them so sexy and so much physically weaker?
There was a person inside who needed help from the police, but the police changed their number, so he ordered a party with pizzas from 2 airplanes, but the pilots were stupid, so they put people instead of pizzas, and one landed on the 93rd floor and the 94th floor, literally.
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
What did Stephen Hawking's computer say when he died?
"ERROR"