Hes jokes

So, I met Michael Jackson before he died. He dragged me to his bed.

What would Hitler be called if he abused women? Hither!

Q: What happens when an Asian with an erection walks into a wall?

A: He breaks his nose.

My dad died in 9/11. He was a Muslim pilot.

I would say fly high to Kobe, but obviously he didn't...

When I went to heaven, I saw Steven Hawking standing there. I asked why he isn’t in heaven yet. He said there are stairs.

Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.

Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.

Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?

Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!

My brother's addicted to buying ladders; he loves to get high.

So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?

I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"

Fletcher is not a lesbian. He is also not an Asian. He is also definitely not an accident.

What did the orphan say to his father?

Nothing, he doesn't have one.

Some dude called me a tool.

So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.

Guess he was right :/

A farmer counted 196 cows in the field.

But when he rounded them up, he had 200.

Why did the cloud apply to stormtrooper training school?

He mist.

Imagine this scenario: A doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses, diseases, etc. in the world but cooler like this: "Bumbumbum you have depression, diarrhea, and cancer,... etc."

And then the last one on the list is that he is deaf, and then the doctor shows the patient the list.

There was a boy who owned a dog, who was walking while wearing headphones.

Upon entering a park, he saw a sign that read, "DOGS MUST HAVE LEAD". He continued into the park, and became immersed in the music.

After leaving the park 20 minutes later and turning around for the first time in a while to remove the lead, the sight of his now-dead, freshly-poisoned dog reminded him of the importance of heteronyms.

So in prep class, the students were asked to write a letter to their grandparents for Grandparents Day.

Little Johnny's friend, Little Sally, wrote things like, "Thank you," and, "You are so nice!" And Little Johnny goes, "What are you doing? You got it wrong!" So Sally says, "What do you mean? It's a letter." Little Johnny says, "Why did you do it like that? Just write a letter from the alphabet like the teacher said!" Then he says, "I wrote a J to remind them of me!"

A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.

The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.

A man puts in ten jokes into a joke contest. He hopes that at least one will win. Sadly, no pun intended.