Hes jokes

Fletcher is not a lesbian. He is also not an Asian. He is also definitely not an accident.

Some dude called me a tool.

So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.

Guess he was right :/

What did Allah say when he created the universe?

-Allahu akbar!!!

What did the orphan say to his father?

Nothing, he doesn't have one.

I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"

Why don't you shower with a Pokemon? He might Pikachú.

A farmer counted 196 cows in the field.

But when he rounded them up, he had 200.

Why did the cloud apply to stormtrooper training school?

He mist.

Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?

Because he didn't want to see the bill.

Why don’t they let Stephen Hawking have other electronics around him? Because he will sound staticky.

What's the difference between a Palestinian and a redneck?

At least the redneck was drunk when he married his cousin.

I have an announcement, Shadow the Hedgehog is a bitch ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife and he said he dick was this big and I said that's disgusting, so I'm making a callout post on my twitter dot com. Shadow, u got a small dick it looks like this walnut except way smaller.

Imagine this scenario: A doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses, diseases, etc. in the world but cooler like this: "Bumbumbum you have depression, diarrhea, and cancer,... etc."

And then the last one on the list is that he is deaf, and then the doctor shows the patient the list.

There was a boy who owned a dog, who was walking while wearing headphones.

Upon entering a park, he saw a sign that read, "DOGS MUST HAVE LEAD". He continued into the park, and became immersed in the music.

After leaving the park 20 minutes later and turning around for the first time in a while to remove the lead, the sight of his now-dead, freshly-poisoned dog reminded him of the importance of heteronyms.

So in prep class, the students were asked to write a letter to their grandparents for Grandparents Day.

Little Johnny's friend, Little Sally, wrote things like, "Thank you," and, "You are so nice!" And Little Johnny goes, "What are you doing? You got it wrong!" So Sally says, "What do you mean? It's a letter." Little Johnny says, "Why did you do it like that? Just write a letter from the alphabet like the teacher said!" Then he says, "I wrote a J to remind them of me!"

A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.

The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.

Mfs be saying Kobe is good at basketball cause he is 6 feet, ye 6 feet underground.

A man puts in ten jokes into a joke contest. He hopes that at least one will win. Sadly, no pun intended.

Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"

"Are you sure?" asks the other.

"I'm positive!"

A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.

When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"

The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.

Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"

God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"