Hes jokes

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind your f***ing business like damn.

Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."

How did Jesus become self-sovereign?

He screws himself and becomes his own creator.

Knock knock. Who's there? Artichokes. Artichokes who? Artichokes when he eats too fast.

Why did an old man fall in a well?

Because he couldn't see that well.

What happened when the Japanese guy offered Logan Paul a high five?

He left him hanging.

Jesus will be history when I realize he's behind me.

We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:

1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.

2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.

3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).

What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?

I don't know, he still hasn't opened it yet.

If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?

"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."

The cannibal got angry, so he threw up his arms.

One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.

Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"

Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."

Did the tree high five the emos?

No, he just left them hanging.

People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.

He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.

Did you hear the news? Michael Jackson died because he choked on 7-year-old nuts and balls.

My uncles like the moon.

He comes out at night.

A kid told me to go get a dad, so I punched the kid. He went to tell his parents. Oh wait, he can't, 'cause he's an orphan, and orphans have no parents.

A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.

How can you tell if a man is straight? You don't have to, he will tell you.