Hes Jokes

My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.

I was making a bet with my grandfather about who would die first. I said that I would die first.

He said "Bet" and died after he drank his coffee.

He was my least favorite grandparent.

Why did Spider-Man decide to buy a laptop?

So that he could design his own “website.”

Me: *listening to music under a tree and smiling*

Random person who sees me: Awwww look at him, he looks so so happy ^w^

Me: *actually listening to depressing music that makes me wanna kill and end myself but just smiles to show that everything's gonna be fine even if it won't*

Why did the farmer eat a fork?

'Cause he's a dumbass.

Rocks :

A close-up shot of Maui from the movie Moana with a goofy smile. The text above reads, "When you are watching Netflix and he gives you this look."

A student got a bad letter grade, so the next day he came back with his own letter grade in his backpack: an A-K47.

Have you walked into Steven Hawking's house yet?

Yeah, neither has he.

I love to play catch with my dad! He's never there to catch the ball, though.

Why did the Indian cross the road?

Because he opened a corner shop on the other side.

I bought my spoiled brother a trampoline for his birthday, but he decided to sit in his wheelchair like a little bitch.

My doctor told me it was perfectly normal to become aroused or even ejaculate during a prostate exam.

That being said I wish he hadn't!

Why was Stephen Hawking always bullied?

Because he couldn’t stand up for himself.

Why did Michael Jackson go to the movies? He saw there was minor nudity.

A man is standing on the side of the road, waiting to cross, when another man stands alongside him. The first man says, "I have been waiting to cross here for ages. It's impossible to cross."

The second man says, "There is a zebra crossing up the road." He said, "I hope he is having better luck than I am!"

Why did the koala climb the tree?

To get to the other branch. :)

He made it, don't worry!

Best way to trick your friends:

A brick falls out of a plane.

How do you put an elephant in the fridge? Open the door, put him in, and close the door.

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? Open the door, take the poor elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.

The animal kingdom is throwing a party, all the animals are there except for one, who? The giraffe, because he's still in the fridge.

Sally needs to cross the river that is known to be filled with deadly crocodiles, but she crossed safely, how? Because the crocodiles are at the party, but Sally still dies after crossing the river, how? Because she was hit by the flying brick.

What do you call a Mexican midget?

A paragraph, because he's not a full essay.

A little girl said one day, "Grandma's gonna die tonight!" The next morning, the girl's grandmother's body was found.

That day she said again, "Grandpa's gonna die tonight!" Sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning.

That day she said, "Daddy's gonna die tonight." The girl's father was terrified. He lay shaking the entire night. Somehow, he survived until morning. His wife came into the room crying. He asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.