Hes jokes

A boy in nursery asked a girl out. She ran away crying in fear, so he just went back to teaching.

Why did the transgender man only eat salad?

Because he was a "her" before.

I asked the orphan kid if his mom is hot. He just started crying.

I heard there was a kidnapping.

Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.

It was his father's friend who was a priest.

He was just bringing him to church.

Look, Bono is a great guy, but shopping with him is a pain, because he still hasn't found what he is looking for.

What did they call Hitler when he swam?

Adolfin.

Do you know that no one finds Hitler a great guy?

But he really saved the History Channel.

When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”

Bro, I gave a suicidal kid Nikes... he just did it, lol.

My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.

Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.

She lets him play anyway and I don't.

When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."

Did you know about the guy who invented knock knock jokes?

He won the no-Bell prize.

What did Stephen Hawking see before he died?

The blue screen of death.

“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.

I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”

Do you want to know my motto when I’m bored?

Punch an orphan, who is he going to tell, his mom?

Hear the one about the deaf kid?

He didn't.

Yo, barber fucked up so bad he pulled out a "Plants vs. Zombies" map and that shii fit perfectly.

Yo, barber fucked up so bad he had to get a breathalyzer test.

Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?

A: He was in a mid-life crisis.

Hello! Why did the duck cross the road? To prove he wasn't chicken!