Hes jokes

I told a Chinese man, "Which is better, cats or dogs?"

He said, "Dogs."

I said, "Why?"

He said, "Because dogs tasted better than cats."

A guy and his girl just finished making love.

Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"

The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"

Jack and Jill wanted some pills.

So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.

Why did he die? He forgot to get a new GPU for his new PC.

The Ruler of Varvona wanted a fruitcake, but his subjects showed up at his castle with a Christian instead.

And he said: "NO, NO, NO! YOU IMBECILES! NOT THAT KIND OF FRUITCAKE!"

Why did the orphan grow up to be a priest?

So he could be called Father Les.

My dad died in 9/11. At least he did what he loves best: flying planes.

Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.

A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"

The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."

Why can't an orphan read?

He couldn't go to school without a parent's signature.

I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.

What does Marcus Rashford say when he comes to the stadium?

I wanna kick some balls!

I'm really bored and I don't know what's up with Prince. He isn't talking to me.

And Freshfry, why are you so mean now?

Why couldn't an orphan have an iPhone 6? He couldn't find the home button.

I wasn't close to my dad when he died.

Which was good, he died to a landmine.

Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.

He shouts “you stupid cunt!”

The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”

Dodi replies...:

“I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”

Why couldn’t the kid play baseball? Because he couldn’t find home.

A man walks into a bar.

He had to have 13 stitches!

My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.

He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."

Do you know why Daddy never comes back to get the milk? Because he’s the milkman.