Hes Jokes

I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down, and he loved it. Not really, though.

Why did the school shooter earn extra points?

Because he was on a kill streak.

There once was a man that wanted to join a group of right-handed men, but he wrote with the other hand. He got left behind.

Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.

What did the fat guy say when he fell off the ladder? "Catch me!"

Who is He, Wrong answers only

The image shows a close-up of Mr. Bean with a wide-eyed, goofy expression, slightly smiling and looking directly at the viewer. He has dark hair, fair skin, and is wearing a gray jacket. The background is plain white.

I asked the emo kid how it was hanging. He didn't reply because the rope was too tight.

Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?

He was picking his nose.

What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his butt.

Stephen Hawking doesn’t have a dick; he has a microchip.

Why does Donald Trump love little boys?

Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little cocks.

An eight-year-old girl struggles to breathe as she lies on a hospital bed and waits for the doctor to come. After the doctor comes, he pulls his cock out of her mouth, and she can breathe much better.

He was in a fight, then a person said, "Stand up for yourself!"

A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."

Why did the Headless Horseman get a job?

He was trying to get ahead in life.

You can say he is not your type until you realize your type is not typing.

The Ruler of Varvona wanted a fruitcake, but his subjects showed up at his castle with a Christian instead.

And he said: "NO, NO, NO! YOU IMBECILES! NOT THAT KIND OF FRUITCAKE!"

Why did the orphan grow up to be a priest?

So he could be called Father Les.

A guy and his girl just finished making love.

Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"

The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"

Jack and Jill wanted some pills.

So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.