Hes jokes
I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.
You are so ugly, when the devil saw you, he said, "Jesus Christ!"
Called a homeless kid 'Spider-Man' because he had no way home.
What does a clock do when he's still hungry?
He goes back "four" seconds!
Why is Santa's sack so big?
Because he comes once a year.
Memes
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.
What happened to the alligator when he held a GPS?
He became a navigator.
"If all of these structures break we will all die."
And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"
And he said, "It would be breaking news."
A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine, and he said to her...
"Hey, baby, we should bang sometime!"
A boy in nursery asked a girl out. She ran away crying in fear, so he just went back to teaching.
Why did the transgender man only eat salad?
Because he was a "her" before.
I asked the orphan kid if his mom is hot. He just started crying.
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
What did Stephen Hawking see before he died?
The blue screen of death.
Look, Bono is a great guy, but shopping with him is a pain, because he still hasn't found what he is looking for.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter what you call him, he won’t come anyway.
Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.
When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”
Why did the orphan cry when he got back home?
Because he did not have one.