Hes jokes

There once was a man that wanted to join a group of right-handed men, but he wrote with the other hand. He got left behind.

Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.

What did the fat guy say when he fell off the ladder? "Catch me!"

I asked the emo kid how it was hanging. He didn't reply because the rope was too tight.

Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?

He was picking his nose.

What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his butt.

Stephen Hawking doesn’t have a dick; he has a microchip.

He was in a fight, then a person said, "Stand up for yourself!"

A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."

Why did the Headless Horseman get a job?

He was trying to get ahead in life.

You can say he is not your type until you realize your type is not typing.

The Ruler of Varvona wanted a fruitcake, but his subjects showed up at his castle with a Christian instead.

And he said: "NO, NO, NO! YOU IMBECILES! NOT THAT KIND OF FRUITCAKE!"

Why did the orphan grow up to be a priest?

So he could be called Father Les.

A guy and his girl just finished making love.

Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"

The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"

Jack and Jill wanted some pills.

So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.

My dad died in 9/11. At least he did what he loves best: flying planes.

A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"

The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."

Why did he die? He forgot to get a new GPU for his new PC.

An orphan once said, "I will call my mum and go home."

A homeless kid once said he will go home.

You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"

How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?