Hes jokes
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
Why was it cold in Stephen Hawking's house?
Because he had a new window open...
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000.
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
I asked my daddy what sex was. He said, "Wanna cum and try it?"
Why was the Koala Bear so clever?
Because he had good koalifications!
Memes
Kids are so ungrateful sometimes. I bought a wheelchair for my son. Did he say thank you? Nope! That mtf just sat in his wheelchair the whole time crying the whole day. 😐
Little Johnny was getting beaten up by two kids, so I came and helped.
He won’t stand against the three of us!
Do you know why Jesus is so popular with the ladies??
Haven't you ever seen pictures of the guy? He was hung like this... 🤚--------🤪----------✋
My dad died in 9/11. He was such a good pilot.
What was the last thing that went through Aiden's head before he died?
His elbow.
What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?
At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone!
My uncle died in the 9/11 attacks. He was the best pilot I had ever met.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite game? Jacks.
Why? He loved to play with the little balls.
Why did Michael Jackson rush over to K-Mart one morning?
Because he heard little boys' pants were half off!
Why did the orphan call Mr. Smith "daddy"? Because he put her in the vices and taught her a lesson about virginity.
Smack an orphan, what’s he gonna do... tell his parents?
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
Why did the Mushroom get invited to so many parties?
He was a fungi!
I was making fun of an orphan, then I realized he tracked me down. I made a bad decision. He was Batman!