Hes jokes
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He tried to update to Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.
Stephen Hawking's death was simply an accident. He pressed power off instead of sleep mode.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
A man hits a woman with his car. Whose fault was it?
The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?
What did the kid who has no arms get for Christmas?
He couldn't even open it.
Memes
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
Why did the orphan play GTA? Because he wanted to feel the wanted level.
Stephen Hawking isn't dead; his update is just laggy because he is too far from the WiFi box.
When Ant-Man is the size of an atom, how can he breathe?
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
Why did the condom cross the road?
Because he was pissed off.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.
My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.
God, I miss Stephen Hawking.
He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands!
What did the emo say before he crossed the road?
"Fuck my life."
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."
He was in the infantry.
Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.
He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.