Hes jokes

When Ant-Man is the size of an atom, how can he breathe?

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.

What did the emo say before he crossed the road?

"Fuck my life."

Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?

Because he lost his filling.

My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Because he Neverlands!

How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?

He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.

I have an announcement, Shadow the Hedgehog is a bitch ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife and he said he dick was this big and I said that's disgusting, so I'm making a callout post on my twitter dot com. Shadow, u got a small dick it looks like this walnut except way smaller.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.

While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."

So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"

Wanna know why Kobe can't shoot?

Because he's dead.

The man was dangling by a string!

I was jealous the day he died.

Hitler isn’t really a bad guy, after all, he did kill Hitler himself.

My grief counselor died. He was so good, I didn't even care.

My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.

I was telling the emo kid emo jokes, and I couldn’t read them because I was laughing too hard. I almost cut the emo kid. He wasn’t laughing at the jokes.

What do you call a dinosaur with good eyesight?

Do you think he saw us?

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

A: He wiped his ass.

Why does Hitler need glasses?

Because he could Nazi.

why was the bad baseball player so good at bowling?

He kept making strikes.