Hes jokes

My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.

It's been known that Michael Jackson decided to do a song for the soundtrack for Free Willy, because he thought that he would get free willy in exchange for composing a song.

I have an announcement, Shadow the Hedgehog is a bitch ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife and he said he dick was this big and I said that's disgusting, so I'm making a callout post on my twitter dot com. Shadow, u got a small dick it looks like this walnut except way smaller.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.

While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."

So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"

Why did my dad cross the road?

To get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on American soil.

Why did Jeffery Dahmer not eat old people?

He does not like roasted vegetables.

My grandpa died in 9/11. He crashed a plane.

The man was dangling by a string!

I was jealous the day he died.

What do you do if your online friend wants to commit suicide? You can't do anything, he's already on line.

Why did the orphan rob the bank? Because he wanted to know what it felt like to be wanted.

My dad died in the 9/11 attack. He was a good pilot.

If Hitler was a comedian, he would use laughing gas.

I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.

What did the cat say when he took his new car for a test drive?

"Meoooow!"

My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.

I asked my orphan friend to come to my house. He said he was confused because he didn't know what that is.

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

A: He wiped his ass.

What do you call a dinosaur with good eyesight?

Do you think he saw us?