"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
Hes Jokes
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
A man hits a woman with his car. Whose fault was it?
The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?
What did the kid who has no arms get for Christmas?
He couldn't even open it.
Stephen Hawking isn't dead; his update is just laggy because he is too far from the WiFi box.
Why did the condom cross the road?
Because he was pissed off.
Why did the orphan play GTA? Because he wanted to feel the wanted level.
When Ant-Man is the size of an atom, how can he breathe?
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.
What did the emo say before he crossed the road?
"Fuck my life."
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.
My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands!
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
I have an announcement, Shadow the Hedgehog is a bitch ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife and he said he dick was this big and I said that's disgusting, so I'm making a callout post on my twitter dot com. Shadow, u got a small dick it looks like this walnut except way smaller.
Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.
While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."
So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"
Wanna know why Kobe can't shoot?
Because he's dead.
The man was dangling by a string!
I was jealous the day he died.
Hitler isn’t really a bad guy, after all, he did kill Hitler himself.
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I didn't even care.
