Hes jokes

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

My great grandfather died in 9/11.

He was such a good pilot.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he got hit by a car.

What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?

I’d hit that.

The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."

Why did Ten need a therapist? He was in between 9/11.

How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?

He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

His name is Donald, but he looks like Goofy.

Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.

Why is Santa's sack always full?

Because he only comes once a year.

Why did Severus Snape cross the road wearing an invisibility cloak?

So no one would know what side he was on.

My husband told me he just came into a lot of money.

Weird, he usually uses a sock.

A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"

This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"

My mom told me to make my dad smile, and she will give me $100, so I said, "The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl." He smiled, but my mom didn't give it to me.

Anyways, I forgot about my package coming, and the mailman came, and I said, "I like your hat; teal looks nice on you," and he smiled, and my mom gave me $100.

This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.

Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.

Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"

Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.

Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."

The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."

First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"

Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."

A blonde walks into the doctor's office. She tells the doctor, "My boyfriend has dandruff."

The doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the doctor's phone rings. He answers, it's the blonde. The doctor asks how he can help her. "Well doctor, I understand head, but how do you 'hove' shoulders?"

Why can't Juice WRLD play COD Zombies? He can't handle 6 perks.