Hes jokes

An officer confronts two congressmen.

He informs them, \"I’m looking for a couple of child molesters.\"

The two look at each other, turn to the officer and exclaim, \"Sure! We’ll do it!\"

A blind man was walking into a fish market. He took a deep breath and said, “Good morning, ladies!”

Did you see that Chinese man with no legs?

No, I'm blind.

Stop ruining my jokes.

Isn't that the Chinese man with no legs' fault?

It's not like He Go Ann Hi Weh.

"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.

The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"

The old man replied, "You're the eighth."

Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!

Officer: You OK, kid?

Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.

Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*

When officer leaves:

Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?

Do you want to know what gifts God gave me?

He didn't give me any.

I was made by the Devil.

Me going to jail for telling the orphan he has 363 days because mothers and Father’s Day.

What's the difference between God and Ron DeSantis?

God does not think he is Ron DeSantis.

What did the pedestrian say after he saw the twin towers fell?

JENGA!!!!

A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.

The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"

What does Michael say when he laughs? He he.

Why was the Orphan boy gay?

So he can call someone Daddy.

Horrible Jokes, Part One- A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing. He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.

The guy who discovered milk... What did he do with the cow?!

Why is Santa's sack always full?

Because he only comes once a year.

My husband told me he just came into a lot of money.

Weird, he usually uses a sock.

The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"

He says, "No."

She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."

Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.

I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.

Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?

When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”