Hes Jokes

Why would a dead guy lie?

Because he can't stand up.

A child, molester, and priest walk into a bar.

He orders a drink.

How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?

He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.

What did the pedestrian say after he saw the twin towers fell?

JENGA!!!!

He sing, he dance, he he.

The image shows a still of Nala from "The Lion King" with a large red circle with a line through it superimposed over her head. There is text in yellow on the right saying "THIS IS NOT OKAY". Below the image is the text "Patriotic Christian Mothers Against the Frankly Obscene Look Nala Gives Simba After He Lands On Top Of Her In The Jungle Wrestling Scene."

Why did Michael Joseph Jackson dangle the baby over the balcony? He wanted to air out the blanket.

"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.

Why did Severus Snape cross the road wearing an invisibility cloak?

So no one would know what side he was on.

A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"

This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"

My mom told me to make my dad smile, and she will give me $100, so I said, "The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl." He smiled, but my mom didn't give it to me.

Anyways, I forgot about my package coming, and the mailman came, and I said, "I like your hat; teal looks nice on you," and he smiled, and my mom gave me $100.

This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.

Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.

Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"

Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.

Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."

The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."

First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"

Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."

A blonde walks into the doctor's office. She tells the doctor, "My boyfriend has dandruff."

The doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the doctor's phone rings. He answers, it's the blonde. The doctor asks how he can help her. "Well doctor, I understand head, but how do you 'hove' shoulders?"