Hes jokes

Why does Darth Vader always choke people?

Because he wants them to feel what his Sith Lord does to him in bed.

A blind man was walking into a fish market. He took a deep breath and said, “Good morning, ladies!”

Did you see that Chinese man with no legs?

No, I'm blind.

Stop ruining my jokes.

Isn't that the Chinese man with no legs' fault?

It's not like He Go Ann Hi Weh.

Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!

Officer: You OK, kid?

Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.

Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*

When officer leaves:

Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?

I walked into an orphanage and a kid was crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said some kids were bullying him. I told him to go tell his parents.

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

What did Joe Biden say when he got pulled over?

I'm just a-Biden the law, officer.

What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite pizza topping? Pepperon-he-he.

My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.

Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.

One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."

Why can't a missing child play baseball? Cuz he doesn't know where home is.

Why did he quit the internet?

People kept on (rick) rolling him.

If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?

The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...

"Don't let your guard down."

Ok, so my brother made this, here it is:

Knock knock. Who's there? Chicken. Chicken who? Chicken garbage!

Ok I know it makes no sense, but he made it when he was like 3.

So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."

There was once a Spanish magician. He said, "Uno, dos..." and he disappeared without a tres.

The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Not your dad."

Then he says, "What comes after 47?"

The quiet kid says, "AK."

Why didn't the pirate want to play cards?

Because he was standing on the deck!

Two kids were beating up a ginger kid in an ally, so I stepped into help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.