Hes jokes
My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.
What did the cat say when he got mad?
I'm hissed!
A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"
She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"
He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?
"No."
Yeah, but then he woke up.
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
Memes
Ok, so my brother made this, here it is:
Knock knock. Who's there? Chicken. Chicken who? Chicken garbage!
Ok I know it makes no sense, but he made it when he was like 3.
Q. Why was the orphan unable to use the phone?
A. He was trying to phone home.
An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."
My dad went to get milk from Tesco’s.
He never came back.
Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?
A: “Holes gonna be big.”
The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not your dad."
Then he says, "What comes after 47?"
The quiet kid says, "AK."
The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...
"Don't let your guard down."
So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."
There was once a Spanish magician. He said, "Uno, dos..." and he disappeared without a tres.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he had someone to call Father.
Why couldn't the Orphan play baseball?
Because he couldn't find home!
Why can't the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he has "no body" to go with!
What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?
Answer: He was left there hanging.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn't chicken!