Hes jokes
RIP Stephen Hawking who was buried today... he did always love black holes.
Why was Stephen Hawking good at football? Because he is a pro dribbler.
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?
Because he didn't want to see the bill.
Why did George Clooney like egg jokes?
Because he had good taste.
How do kill a redneck?
Wait until he is fucking his sister and take the brakes off his house.
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He didn't pay his electricity bills.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He ran out of WiFi.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
Come on guys, this is nasty, he was my uncle, ffs :(
Why did he go to hell? Because he couldn't use the stairs to Heaven.
Tyler M is not to be sitting in the chair he is right now.
A man goes to a restaurant and asks for some chili.
The waiter said, "Sorry sir, this is an Asian restaurant."
So he stretches his eyes and says, "Oh herro, can I get some chiri?"
I'm really worried for Stephen Hawking, 'cause how is he going to climb the stairway to Heaven?
You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.
Why was it cold in Stephen Hawking's house?
Because he had a new window open...
I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."
There was a Mexican magician. He was going to disappear on the count of three.
1-2-..... and he left without a trace.
The fact that "Hawkins" rhymes with "walking" and "talking," yet he could never do any of them.