Why did the kid named Jeff become gay? Because he grew up without a father figure. Hahaha, I love dark humor!
Hes Jokes
This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.
An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"
His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.
He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"
"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"
"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."
A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."
So this guy thought he was funny by pissing on the floor and not in the urinal.
Later on, I guess some kid ran into the bathroom because, well, he probably had to go, but yeah, he slipped and fell and hit his head on the urinal, so all in all it was a pretty good prank on his part.
I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.
He asked for a shot of beer?
He got shot and killed.
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."
What can a mouse do?
He clicks.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?
Dave: No.
Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
Q: Why did the teacher die?
A: Because he hated his life.
What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.
Thor is so gay he farts the rainbow bridge to Asgard.
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
Why did the baseball player get arrested? He tried to steal third.
What did the dalmatian dog say after he finished his meal?
"That hit the spot?"
A man with 20 dollars walked into Dave & Buster's. He went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He walked out without any clothes but still has his money.
Why did Vladimir Putin get bad grades? -- Because he was Russian.
