Hes jokes

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

Come on guys, this is nasty, he was my uncle, ffs :(

Why did he go to hell? Because he couldn't use the stairs to Heaven.

Tyler M is not to be sitting in the chair he is right now.

A man goes to a restaurant and asks for some chili.

The waiter said, "Sorry sir, this is an Asian restaurant."

So he stretches his eyes and says, "Oh herro, can I get some chiri?"

I'm really worried for Stephen Hawking, 'cause how is he going to climb the stairway to Heaven?

You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.

Why was it cold in Stephen Hawking's house?

Because he had a new window open...

I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."

There was a Mexican magician. He was going to disappear on the count of three.

1-2-..... and he left without a trace.

The fact that "Hawkins" rhymes with "walking" and "talking," yet he could never do any of them.

He went too far away from the wall, and he got unplugged.

Was he under insurance claim?

What does a clock do when he's still hungry?

He goes back "four" seconds!

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

Gloves........ just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.

Hey, did you know that Stephen Hawking predicted the end of the world?

Well, not really. He predicted the end of *his* world.

His name rhymes with walking and talking, but he can’t do either.

He had a song named after him: "They see me rolling."

I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.

When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.

He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"